Fear is Sneaky

Yesterday, fear made it's way into this house.

The big girls both have colds. Super yuck snotty noses. Razor blade slicing throats. Tired and exhausted little bodies.

We've been living like they have the worst disease. I have sanitized every surface in our home, focusing on handles (every doorknob, fridge, microwave, sink, garbage, toilet flusher, handrail, everything). I woke up with a runny nose and stiff eyes and beyond tired.

I was on high alert with the two young Spry babies. I spent most of the day washing Avin's hands and using 'hanitizer' on them almost after every move she made.

NO ONE touched Anchor except for me. I wouldn't allow it. What if he gets sick?

I spent entirely too much of the day watching his chest. Each rise up and then deflate down. I was trying to tell myself that he was labored in his breathing. It was almost as if I was looking for what was wrong rather than what was right.

In the later afternoon, I swore he looked pale as he was sitting in his swing. I quickly ran to the bedroom to grab is oximeter. Remember that thing that had abused me for too long? Yes, that little machine that told me how our days were going to be in the hospital. The one that kept me up for nights on end telling me to worry at every little move.

But this time, I was just going to grab a quick reading; just a spot check to see how he was doing. It was reading a little low.... for a while. I would watch. Anchor was sound asleep and when he should be 93+, he was sitting at 91-92.

So I did the most rational thing anyone would do.... I FREAKED OUT! My baby's sick! What are we going to do? How did this happen? Should I take him in right now?

Y'all, my baby wasn't/isn't sick. I am. I let Satan create a fear in me that I had let go of a while ago. I wasn't trusting in Jesus in that moment. I was trying to control every germ in our house. Have you ever tried to do that? Control every germ? It's exhausting... and impossible for us as humans. Only God has that power. But the devil was using my control as a way to creep in and plant fear in my heart.

After a prayer of release of control & fear,  I changed out our sweet boys oxygen cords, taped on a fresh cannula, grabbed him from his swing and cuddled him. As I was holding this little growing miracle, feeling his breath in sync with my own, I knew The Lord was telling me just to trust Him. Like we have from the beginning, we know we can't carry the burden of our breaths. Jesus has that for us. We just make sure we enjoy every moment we have while we are breathing.

That's what I was reminded yesterday. To trust. Again. Always. And then we took off the oximeter and got this sweet look. Oh my precious boy.

Caught... Not Taught

I've really missed spending the last bits of my day recording our little families comings, goings.... lessons learned and giggles shared... bad days, crazy days, good days - usually all wrapped into one.

I spent the past two weeks being very intentional reflecting on our every day life. What do we do? How are we spending our time? Even with the chaos of running around whether it's doctors appointments, softball, parties, ministries or grabbing more milk and diapers, we haven't been real great at using all the time we do have wisely.

We've been living in a go go go pattern and always seem to be behind. Never able to catch up.

So for the past couple of weeks, I've tried to write down every single thing we are doing and evaluate how we spend our time... whether wisely or wasteful. What makes sense to keep doing and what do we need to let go?  Maybe... what do we need to start doing more of.... This is where I want to settle.

I've been trying to make time for our relationships... starting with the most important; our relationship with Christ. We haven't been spending time in prayer or bible reading as a family. We've been so inconsistent parenting with the gospel being the root of everything we do.

After hearing our message on Easter Sunday, it's time we start living with an eternal perspective. There is so much I wish I had done differently as a person but most importantly as a parent. I wish that I did everything just right. The first time. But I'm forever thankful for a new day. A new chance. New mercies. Unending grace.

This morning, when it was quiet and not a sound in the house, I got up to spend some time just soaking in The Word. I was quietly interrupted by the sweetest little footsteps in her footie pajamas walking to meet me at the kitchen table.

These are the moments that I never want to forget.

Little Bear saw I was reading my bible, hopped down from the table and left the kitchen. She returned with her bible, climbed back on the chair and just started flipping through the pages. She didn't say a word. She just did whatever she saw her mama doing.... yogurt, cookies (granola) and fruit... coffee (apple juice)... and spending time with Jesus.

We need to remember, mamas, that what we do in our every day matters. That how we spend our time, the actions we take matter. The words we choose, whether in joy or frustration, matter. Believe me, I have to start over many times each day. But seeing this little girl, being a reflection of her mama, just doing what she saw was being done. This is what we need to remember... our littles are watching. Even when you think they're not, they are. Even when you can't see them, they're listening.

I needed this gentle reminder today and the convictions over the past few weeks.

I needed to get this out on paper too. (Well, it's kind of like paper... ish)

Bible Study

Four days strong. But more importantly, four days highest priority. 

My biggest goal for this year is to make time for The Lord. I want to learn all about Him. I crave to be head of heels for Him. I want to be so obsessed with Him that I can't think of anything else. 

In order for any of that to happen, I must plan intentional time that is dedicated to bible reading. 

Currently I am using the She Reads Truth bible app. They have a lot of plans you can purchase for around $2 each (mobile only) and most plans have a beautiful workbook you can purchase as well. Included is amazing artwork and scripture cards. 

I'm on day 4 of the John plan. Our church recently went through the book of John so it's fun to know what I'm reading and to repeat this book. 

They just posted a weekly bible verse at SRT. I just saved this photo as my lock screen on my phone. By weeks end, this will be memorized (or if I had a brain more like Arly it would be memorized after looking at it one more time!)

What are you using right now as your bible study and devotional? Do you have a daily bible devotional you love? Read the bible in a year? 

Still I Will Worship... Overwhelmed with Our Loss

For the past three days I have been sorting baby clothes. Itty bitty baby girl clothes. I was flooded with sadness each time my fingers touched the tiny blankets, hats, onesies. 

When I should have felt joy and thought of sweet memories, I felt alone. Sad. Almost empty. 

This isn't the only thing that had me down. Every week, I get a text and an email from a baby blog. It tells me how big our baby should be, how it's developing, and what we should be doing to be prepared. 

I know that seems unhealthy to stay subscribed to but for some reason I want to know. I'm uncertain if it's filling me with more sadness or maybe filling that void of wonder. I just have to know. Maybe on our due date I'll finally unsubscribe. But I want to be reminded. I want to remember Gods love for me... Even when I don't understand. 

Ever since losing baby #5, I've been an emotional mess. Sometimes good, sometimes not. 

Although these past three days had me filled with anger and bitterness again, I've laid it all down at the feet of Jesus. 

I can't hold on to this anymore. I've felt inadequate for too long. I've tried too hard to be enough on my own. I can't be anymore. I never was. 

I'm enough because Christ bore all my sins; my shame, my guilt, my pride on the cross. He conquered it all - all death, all darkness, when he rose from the grave.  

Why would I forget His great power and try to do this on my own? 

Even though sadness is okay, I have learned to praise God through each storm... Whether it comes every few weeks, or every few minutes... 

I am enough because He is enough. 

I will trust His sovereign plan even when I don't understand... I'll never know. 

And I will continue to glorify His name through it all. The ups. The downs. The joy and the pain. He is worthy of all my praise. 

'Though You Slay Me' by Shane and Shane is a powerful song that brings tears to my eyes and had me on my knees.  And I truly believe what John Piper says here is the truth. When it's hard. When we hurt. It is not meaningless. 

Please watch. If you've ever felt pain, I pray these words bring you HOPE. 

http://youtu.be/qyUPz6_TciY

Washing Feet

Tonight I had written a blog post that took me nearly an hour, and with one little press of a button, it was gone. I was so frustrated. I almost cried. I was completely crushed because I worked so hard.

But then, I remembered what really matters.  The truly great things in my life. 

There they were... Staring me in the face as I started scrolling through the many photos on my phone. These feet. 

I've made it a point over the past year to be more intentional in the small things... That truly are the big things. 

One night, quite a while ago, the girls and I were going to have a pedicure night. Now I've  polished their toenails countless times, but one night, I thought it would be a good idea to soak the girls' feet and give them the whole treatment. 

I ran the tub of warm water, the girls sat on the ledge of the tub with their pajama pants rolled up. 

I grabbed the foot scrub and as soon as I started washing and scrubbing their feet, I felt humbled. Immediately. I'd never intentionally scrubbed anyone's feet before then. Except my babies of course. 

I sometimes get caught up in the role of needing to be respected by my kids. 

But when I was washing their little piggies, (dirty little piggies I must add), I was reminded when Jesus washed His disciples feet. He chose to serve by doing the task that was meant for the lowliest to perform. He showed humility. 

Sometimes with our children and spouses it's easy to forget they are 'our neighbor.' When Christ tells us 'to love your neighbor as yourself' (the second most important command) we need to start looking to our closest neighbors first. Our family. I do anyway. 

I'm quick to serve others but also quick to not serve my family. 

I try to make it a point every once in a while to just massage or wash the feet of my family. It brings me to my knees. During the act, I only think about serving. I get lost in prayer. 

I crave this small gesture now. I want to live and give more like Jesus. He is our example. 

 

Y'all! Today I saw cottage cheese on my arm. Cellulite. ON. MY. ARM!!!!!

#ew

No words can describe how I truly feel about this. 

Here are some that might come close...

Sad. 

Disappointed. (In myself)

Shocked. (But not really)

Lazy. 

Unattractive. 

But here's the deal. Slowly I've been making small changes. 

My sweet friend Dawn challenged me with 28 days of no junk food. It went great! After the first week it truly was easy to stick to. Even when Joel and I were both tempted we chose no sugar. During the month of September I lost 7 pounds by simply just not eating junk food. Chips, soda, cookies, fast food, ice cream, etc was taken away for 4 full weeks. Since our month was up, we have each nibbled on a few sugary sweets but all 4 of us older Sprys have decided that these foods should be treated as... well, a treat. 

Now that the junk food was taken care of, it was time to get on the fitness wagon. My dear friend Allison invited me to be her accountability partner for the Peak313 5 week challenge. It's a great way to stick to something when you have a buddy cheering you on.... And calling you out when you need it. What I love about Peak313 is that you are learning scripture while exercising! That's my favorite.  We are just starting week two and so far so good. 

And just yesterday, I've started detoxing my body using Arbonne's 28 day restart. I could write a whole other blog post on how much I'll miss my wine and coffee but I remember my results last August and know that I need to stay committed to help shift our lifestyle just a bit. With Jenny as my encouragement, I know I can finish this too. 

I've tried to do more, be more... Try harder, try everything... But that simply doesn't work. Try the next thing when I quit the first, second, tenth. Go all in and quit things cold turkey. 

But each time my heart wasn't in it. 

Since our miscarriage this past June, I didn't realize how much I was drinking, eating, and how much I was sitting. I didn't have energy to do anything. And slowly, I've gotten up to my highest, non-pregnant weight and I can feel it. 

I look in the mirror and my head would say 'Do something! Anything! Get fit! Eat right! Do it!!!'

But for the longest time my heart wasn't in it. It simply wasn't ready. 

I spent many moments with tear filled eyes praying that I would be satisfied with who I am in Christ. That I would stop trying so hard and putting so much pressure on myself to look and be like half the fitness girls that I finally deleted off my Instagram account. 

I prayed for peace. And love. To feel accepted by the only One that matters. To be satisfied. To give The Lord all the glory in everything I do. To let go of my anger and bitterness. 

He answered my prayers. My heart feels healed. And now finally, my heart is in it. I don't want to do this for me... Or anyone else. It's time to be thankful for my body and create good habits that will be glorying to God. Because that's why we are here. To do all things for the glory of God. 

Treading water... but it's time to swim.

My dear friend Dianna shared a blog post from Sally Clarkson this morning. I'm moved.  I'm convicted. 

 http://www.sallyclarkson.com/mentoring-monday-developing-a-vision-that-comprises-a-whole-life-to-complete/

I don't want a condo or a shack - which is what I have been building. I've been treading water for far too long without swimming a stroke for years. I woke up most days without a real action plan. I've never really meal planned in all my life (except for the few times I've tried to be Pinterest perfect.) I'm short tempered with my daughters and honestly I have no idea why. I haven't been submissive to my husband like I should, instead I've tried to be the boss of the family since day one. A boss without a real plan.... Sounds like a horrifying train wreck. And that's what it's been. I've whined and complained about my health and fitness for years, but only made temporary fixes to change. And them back to my old ways. I'm sad when I see pregnant ladies and small babies. I feel inadequate in everything I do. 

But the real problem... The top sickness I have... Is that I haven't been fully surrendered to Christ. That my heart wasn't wholly ready. I wanted to stay 'in charge'...  But clearly that just doesn't work. Back to the treading and living in a storm with no resources that Sally mentions above. 

I want an estate... Large, beautiful and glorifying to God. 

Jesus is the only way to build an estate. Full trust, full surrender; white flag! 

It's time for me to start living life seriously.... Eternally. It's time for planning and preparing. It's time to work on character and spend quality time with Proverbs 31 women in my life.  

What about you?  Are treading water without really swimming anywhere? Tired and exhausted like me? I invite you to take rest in The Lord. Oh I'm so grateful for that peace. Now only if I can remember to live in it. 

Praying. 

Oh and hey Dianna, it's time you started a blog friend. XO #jariwouldloveit

False Reality

I've been extremely overwhelmed with life. From the moment I woke up to the minute my head hit the pillow, I felt behind. Late. Lacking. 

I was uncertain of everything I did. Was it enough? Too much? I struggled to find the good in things. I was seriously, undoubtedly lost. 

Every day when Joel came home from I would break down. I was a horrible wife, mother, teacher, leader, and everything else I was suppose to be good at. 

Why was I feeling this way? 

I'll tell you why. I was trying to be a law keeper. I was trying to do it all... All by myself. I wanted a perfectly decorated, cleaned  and organized home. I was craving order in every inch of homeschool and out of the house activities... even meal planning. I wanted to volunteer and serve without distraction. I wanted to run a successful business by doing everything, all the time. I wanted my life to be perfect. 

For some reason, I truly thought that I would get there. I thought the kids wouldn't fight. I thought Joel would affirm me in all my successes... And failures. I thought the laundry would always be caught up. I thought my toddler would listen and obey joyfully and even potty train in just a few short days. 

After last nights campfire conversation and a chat with a dear friend at church this morning, I was slammed with a message preached directly to my heart. 

Am I fully surrendered to Christ? Like fully? All of me? Completely? 

I didn't have to dig all that deep to know the truth. I wasn't. 

I wasn't living in His grace. I wasn't relying on Christ. I was trying to rely on myself. I was trying to be perfect when the only Perfect One was right there, waiting for me to find peace in Him. 

I wasn't praying. I wasn't in The Word. I was drifting. Slowly. But still drifting. 

I'm uncertain if since the miscarriage I was depressed. Feeling inadequate in all areas of my life. Trying to fill that void with perfection. 

A friend shared this verse with me this morning and it brought instant peace and clarity to my heart. 

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." - Matthew 11:28

(A little paint therapy and art for our mantle) 

These are the words of our loving and gracious Father. These words bring me hope. And peace. And rest. 

Letting go of perfection & this false reality.  Grabbing on to grace. 

Spry Academy + I am the Student

Welcome to the first day of Spry Academy 2014-2015!!!

The girls were so excited to wake up, get dressed and ready for their first day of school. I love that these beauties are eager to learn. Planning out the school year is a lot of work but this year is going to be different. It's going to be nearly perfect.  We have a few new amazing pieces to our curriculum this year. Last year, teaching 5th grade math proved to be a bit of a challenge. So this year we switched things up a bit. 

We are using Teaching Textbook! I'll dive more into this soon but I love that it's online! Lecture, practice and tests are all available online. This frees up a bit of time for me to spend time with the other. The girls love it too because they get to use the computer! 

I do want to tell you that not everyone was thrilled it was the first day of school. I think she feels left out. I need to find a baby curriculum for little Avin. She was crabby today! Bossy really. 

School didn't go exactly as planned. Nope. Like not at all. Remember how I just said this year would be different.  This year was planned almost perfectly. Well... On day one, we overslept. We found out we are missing a major book in our history and geography. Arly still has 3 lawn mowing jobs on Mondays. I had 4 Scentsy parties to package all cute and set up deliveries. I had to pack for a party for tonight. Take a shower. Pay bills. Computer keeps freezing. Avin peed all over clean laundry. (She's potty training.... So any tips are greatly appreciated!) I cried. Twice. Almost quit breathing. Panicked. And prayed. I need The Lord's help, guidance and wisdom to get me through these days. The every day.  Because I'm ill equipped on my own. 

Seriously, if I come off as having it altogether, I've failed to expose the real me. I really do have to apologize to my daughters more often than I like to admit. But one thing I know, is that The Lord works miracles in their hearts because they forgive me. Always. 

So I guess what I'm trying to get at is this: our life is a mess. Our days get crazy. But it's our life. And it's a crazy beautiful mess. 

With grace, I can get through this season of change. I was expecting a flawless transition. But the devil snuck right in and tried to rob me of all my joy today. I almost allowed him to succeed. 

But I know my God is bigger and more powerful than any overbooked agenda, crayon colored wall, lawn mower out of gas, hair tangled in pony tail holder, ripped shirt and anything else worldly that might go wrong. 

He's showing me grace. That it's ok if not everything planned is perfect. He's showing me that only He is perfect and that's all I need. 

Thankful for the lessons today. I do believe I was the student today. 

Thankful for a new chance and new mercies tomorrow. 

Bible Study {Sermon on the Mount}

With this beautiful artwork, you can't help but want to open up this workbook and soak in every word of Scripture. 

I was introduced to She Reads Truth by a friend earlier this summer. It's an online women's bible study group who just launched an app for all of their individual studies. 

I'll be honest here, the graphics are what pulled me it and had me purchasing them right away. But after finally openon my packages (only 2 months later) I have fallen in love with the way the study is laid out. 

The creators and designers of She Reads Truth even add little extras to you pack like memory verse cards. It's a goal of mine to star memorizing more scripture those are perfect... And adorable! 

I just started 'The Sermon on the Mount' study on Tuesday. It's a 20 day guide through Matthew 5. 

I have enjoyed it so much that when my big girls asked me today to unofficially start school, I knew this would be one of the first things they would study. 

I found the greatest worksheets for the girls to work through the Beatitudes. (I just read that beatitudes mean happiness &/or blessedness.) If you don't know what those are, check out Matthew 5 in the Bible. 

The best lesson I've learned so far this week through this study is this:

I'm looking forward to seeing our girls and myself work through this study. 

Are you currently working through a study? Are you doing it on your own or with a group? Have you ever worked through a bible study? I'd love to hear! 

Spry Family Planner [Part 1]

On a five day family get away out in the middle of the mountains, when it rains all day, what else do you do?! Plan! 

Okay so honestly, that was part of the agenda for this week. For me to sit down and plan out our fall. Family schedule, travel dates, softball try-outs & practices, weddings, curriculum for homeschool, field trips, bible study, ski weekends, business adventures, Scentsy* & Velata* trainings, parties, calls and daily routines. 

I'm a girl who likes to have a plan. The list above is quite the variety and it probably seems a little much to have to plan it all out.... But this is the only way our family can function. 

A few weeks ago, I put together the beginnings of a 'Spry Family Planner.' I'm not exactly sure how it'll end up but we are just going with it for now. 

First and foremost, it has to be cute & personal! I chose some simple snapshots taken from our daily activities and printed them out. I also printed one of my favorite quotes from Pinterest*. I then secured them down to this black and white striped binder from Target with washi tape! (Best invention ever!... I mean behind cars, computers, fax machines, iPhones, peanut butter... Ummm you get the idea) 

It's super important for us to be able to look at our month in a quick glance. We have so many moving parts for a little family so we need to know who is going where and when. The list to be planned above is just the constant comings and goings. As changes and additions are made throughout the month, they will be put on this adorable 'August' monthly print out from Emily at Jones Design Company*. I've been subscribed to her monthly Paper Works subscription for about a year. I love it! (That's a whole post all on its own). Again, attach it with washi tape, month over month, and because washi tape peels off anything easily, at the end of the year you'll have a mini journal of your family activities! Fun!... Or scary! 

As much as I like to be planful, I do realize that we are not in control of anything. This simple quote, found on Pinterest*, keeps me humble and assured with the fact that if everything doesn't go exactly as planned. Everything is going to be just fine. 

We also needed big photos of our family. Here I have an 8x10 of our crazy life family photo taken by Jessie with 5 Crow Photo* last September. Don't be alarmed, we only held her upside down for about 6.76834 seconds to take this photo. All babies and little Bears were unharmed in the snapping of this shot. 

Oh I just loved this family photo (minus my hair do... Let's get real! What look was I exactly going for? Bon Jove circa 1988?!) from the spring of 2010? 2011? Or was it 2009? Mom, do you remember? Notice the yellow duct tape... Before washi was invented I used tape to make my pages 'cool!' (Wow! Sassy girls!)

One of the most important things that could ever be added to this family binder is truth-filled verses from the Living Word. Every time I open my binder, I see God's promises and read them. They are treasures that I want to remember forever.  I love these scripture cards (also by JDC*)! I also added two print outs of great quotes created on Rhonna Designs App*. I created the upper left one and I think I found the other one via Instagram*.

Almost 6 years ago, a friend from MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) handed me printout of a 'Clover Family Commandments.' Her family was not the Clovers and neither is mine so I'm not sure who to give the credit to but it's not me. I held on to that printout (without losing it!<---- that is a miracle!) for so long and today I finally copied it off and personalized it for our family. 

*Our Home is to be a place of Christ's Love & Peace* ---- oh I pray that every day. <3

As I was handwriting these commandments for our children, it was as if I was staring at all of my sins in a mirror. These are not only a guide for them, but for Joel and I as well. 

When you read them, what do you think? Are these commands that you do follow? Or are you like me and need to ask for help for a softer, kinder heart? Do you put others first before yourself? Do you serve others well without complaining? 

I pray for a transformation of my heart and my tongue. The words that come out of me at times are nasty, ugly. I pray that I will not be idle and am obedient to serve joyfully when called. 

Good news! We can't do it on our own. We're not capable of changing by trying hard enough. But we have a Father who loves us and can change our hearts to be more like Him. I'm thankful for His grace & mercy.... Daily. Actually hourly. Ok seriously... Every moment.  

I'll be sharing more of what I have finished soon. As I add more to the 'Spry Family Planner' I'll share it here too. 

(All * links will be added when I have wifi next week. I can't link from my phone) 

Starting out... And over

Today's sermon at Sovereign Hope was exactly what I needed to hear today. I can't quit smiling!

I've been dreaming and scheming, planning and praying for a simple, full life lived well for the New Year. It's been a while (way too long to be very honest) since I've really felt motivated to do much. Much work. Much reading. Much blogging. Much care giving. Much of anything. 

I'm sure you've noticed my absence from the blog, Facebook and even from returning calls, emails and texts. I'm sorry for that. I really have no excuse. I've been in full relaxation mode... Gaining clarity and peace for the last days of this year. 

I can't even describe to you how excited I am for 2014. Not that the year changing by a digit really means a whole lot other than a new season. I'm going to live well. Live right. Love right. I know this because I've never been so convicted about something before as I am now. 

And I'm obeying. 

I'm running back to The Lord to show me exactly how to be a better person.... a better Christian, wife, mom... And how to be a better homemaker. (Anything will be better than what I was!)

Back to why I'm writing this post... I'm starting a new Bible reading plan tomorrow morning. I've never been consistently in Gods Word and I know that it is so foundational for my faith. The Word is rich. And I'm ready for it to dwell within me... So I can live life on purpose. 

That's where you come in. Because I struggle with consistency, I need you to help hold me accountable to my study. Every day, I'm going to post what I read. If you'd like, we can dive deep in His Word together. I'm using the Discipleship Journal - Book at a Time Bible Reading Plan. You can find the plan at www.discipleshipjournal.com. 

Do you actively read Scripture? Do you use a plan? If so, which one?

So excited to share more of everything that's been going on in this blond (but not as blond as I used to be) head!!!!

Thanks for always checking in on me and following along my little journey. I'm blessed to have you as a reader. 2014 is going to be amazing!!!!

XO

Jari

In... but not of

I'm realizing that in this season of being absent from social media, I have been spending a lot of time planning and reevaluating everything I do. Questioning what I'm doing and what is worth doing... is it adding value to my life or the lives of others. I'm loving this fast (even though I know my family and some friends are struggling with me not being on facebook right now - I heard a bit about that while we were home and surrounded by family the past couple of weeks)

Taking a 6 week break from comparing myself with others, getting locked in conversations that have nothing to do with me, and getting lost in a mound of photos of people I hardly know has really helped me refocus on myself, my faith and my family. 

With that being said, I do feel like I'm ready to go back to Instagram. I have noticed that I don't take nearly enough photos of my family and our every day moments that I want to remember forever without it. (Seems silly that I'll only remember taking the photos if I have a place to post them but for some reason, it just works that way)

So as of tonight, I'm back on Instagram. (Don't worry Grandma, I'll have them linked right to Facebook!) Not to get sucked in, but to use it as a tool. Oh I will have rules for myself that I will stay disciplined to follow but I'm excited to be back 'in the world.' 

That's one thing that I have realized... that the world is there. Here on the web.  I need to be a part of it. But only to add value to others, to glorify God and not devalue my little world. I will not allow myself to be consumed by it. 

The Word of God in the New Testament encourages us to continue our relationships with the world around us, but to be careful to live in a way that pleases God, not the culture:

1 John 2:15
Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.

Romans 12:2
And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.

That's why I had to fast... Not just because I thought I needed a break, but because I was consumed with discontent of worldly things, ideas, and perfection. 

It was a slap in the face that I needed to back off, pray and fast so that I could refocus on my relationships: with God and my family. 

If I were to post right now, it would be of these two beautiful young ladies. Tonight they had their piano recital and both did an amazing job, even though they were both overly nervous. 

Since starting my social media fast, I have spent way more time with these girls. I've learned so much about them because I am intentional about listening to them. Really listening. I feel like I missed out on them because I was 'too busy.' All of the 'just a seconds' took over and that caused me to miss many minutes, hours and even seasons in their lives.

This brings me to one of my main rules.... you must not lose time with your girls. They are more precious than any 'like', 'follow' or 'tag' you'll ever receive. Do not get distracted and lose your focus on those beautiful brown eyes. They need you to be a focused, intentional, right now mama. God is working on my heart right now. I can feel it. I'm so excited to see what this next chapter holds for us. 

XO.

Jari

Christmas is MORE.... (finished video!)

Remember when I said we have an incredibly talented media team at Sovereign Hope Church?! I wasn't kidding! Take a look for yourself.

This video was such a joy to make. I think my girls are excellent actresses, wouldn't you agree? 

Christmas is MORE... more than family trips, gifts, dinners, stockings, cookies, advent calenders.... while all of those are great, it's really important to remember that Christmas is about CHRIST. The Savior of the earth. The Prince of Peace. The Wonderful Counselor. The King. He is that... but even MORE.

"Christmas is a time when the world stops and celebrates. We gather with family and friends and focus on the birth of a baby, the gift of a king, goodwill and peace on earth. But Christmas is more than a birthday because Jesus was more than just a baby. It is more than a season because Jesus was more than just a King. The beauty of the gospel is that Christmas is more than just a holiday, because Jesus was more than we could have ever imagined." - Pastor John Luhmann

If you live in the Missoula area, I encourage you to join Joel and I for this sermon series in December. We'd love to see you at church.

If you live, well, not in the Missoula area, we invite you to watch this series online at Sovereign Hope Church.

XO.
Jari

Change

When you know it's FINALLY time to make a change... you just know. Oh yeah, it's made VERY clear.

For over a year, I have known what I need to do, but was always unwilling to change. What if I lost friends? What if I didn't keep up with everyone's everything? How will I know what's going on? How would people be able to keep up with us? Who do I show my kids new tricks to? What happens when I need to chat with someone? Or stay connected with my customers?

Let me take you on a little trip down this very conviction.

Over 2 years ago, I was sitting in a bible study with friends sharing what our biggest sins were.... mine... finding self worth in what other people think of me. I spent a lot of time praying, asking God to remove this idol from my heart. Little did I know, He would remove it physically. The end of that summer, Joel and I 'lost' BOTH of our computers, Kindle and iPods. What's even more interesting... we lost our identity. No really, it's true. We were on a road trip back to South Dakota and as we were leaving the hotel in Montana, we were in a rush. We drove all night and were exhausted by the time we arrived in Rapid City so we went straight to bed. When we woke, we unloaded the car and there is NO electronic bag! GONE! We're not sure if we left it at the hotel or maybe in the parking lot but the hotel did not find it... neither did the police. Not only was all of our electronics in that bag... but so was all of our taxes, pay stubs, bank account info, and everything about us. We were in the middle of purchasing a home and everything, even our identity was gone. (Backing up just a bit... 2 months prior we left our unmarked electronic bag on the bus at Disney World because we were in a rush to get off - - but we got it back that time after 3 hours of searching and amazing Disney workers)

So there I was... knowing the idol was taken away... and I went out that morning and purchased another computer so I could stay 'connected.' It's like I couldn't help myself.

Fast forward two years and MANY conversations with Joel and other friends about how I need to step away or find some balance with my online world.

Friday... sitting in bible study, the group of gals and I had to share what our biggest distractions were that was keeping us from having active faith in God. I wrote about that here but was too scared to write about something that I felt I couldn't live without. So I talked about sleep. (which by the way... we don't have a handle on at all!)

I talked about facebook with the group of girls and we justified that I 'needed' it because that's how I do run most of my Scentsy business... with customers, team, etc. It's just something I couldn't give up... I couldn't live without it.

Saturday night, I was reading '7' by Jen Hatmaker (GREAT BOOK... Thanks Shelby for the recommendation!) on living in excess. Too much. It's taken me a while to get through this book because it really speaks to my heart. This season of my life, I'm seeing very clearly on what is too much. Possessions, Food, Media... Media was the chapter I started AND finished Friday night. In this chapter, Jen and her family took a 30 day fast from all media. This is what she said.

Ok Lord... I'm listening. I hear you, but I'm just not sure I can do it? How can I give it up? How can I still be successful without it?

Sunday afternoon, I saw a friend post on facebook about how she needed a break... a simple post that said "...I need to reclaim some intentional and purposeful meaning to this life."

Ok OK God.... I hear you.

Sunday evening, I had a cranky spell (this happens more often than I like to admit) - -

 insert my thoughts as soon as I yelled at the girls about the house and the mess.  My selftalk: "You are a monster! You are so addicted to what others think of you... You compare your bloopers to every one else's highlights... You want what everyone else has... Stop looking at this! Stop spending so much time comparing yourself to others! Stop spending so much time in the online world and forgetting about YOUR world.  Look around you. You have a God who wants to spend time with you. Who loves you and can satisfy you more than any 'Like' or 'Follow' ever would. You have a husband that is so tired of trying to have a conversation with you while your nose is hovering over your phone and you don't even make eye contact with him. He lies beside you in bed and falls to sleep waiting for you every night to turn off the phone. Your girls deserve more from you! The only reason you get angry with them is because you are frustrated that they want your attention when you are giving all your attention to these online relationships. They just want you to love them... spend time with them... acknowledge them. They are your REAL world."

and as I got in the bath, took my phone, and opened up Bloglovin'; this is what I read.  NO FRICKIN' WAY!

Lord I hear you LOUD AND CLEAR.... and THANK YOU for the ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNER!

So there you have it... my reason WHY I have to CHANGE and say goodbye to social media for a while. I'm not sure how long.... maybe 6 months? maybe a year? maybe forever?

What I do know is that right now, in this season, social media is not enriching my life. I also know that it is stealing energy from my home and family and giving me a crutch to hide behind a keyboard and not develop strong relationships with people. Do I think it's going to be difficult to walk away? ABSOLUTELY. Do you I think it'll be better for my family? NO DOUBT! When I was telling the girls last night about my decision and we were talking about idolatry and walking in obedience, Alyn looked right at me... with tears in her eyes and said "Mom, for real? You would give up facebook?.... " I said "yes, baby, I'm going to." As a tear fell, she simply said "Thank you." and gave me a hug.

THAT is why I must change. My girls are my biggest mission and my mission starts now.

This doesn't mean I won't be around. I'll be here... right here actually EVERY DAY! I'll be blogging this journey and every journey we have a long the way... in the CRAZY SPRY way... but I just won't be posting on facebook or instagram anymore. So if you want to see us, you'll have to read here. There are a few ways to make sure you stay in our loop... if you want to.

You can click on the FOLLOW BY EMAIL link in the upper left column.

You can click on the FOLLOW ME ON BLOGLOVIN' in the upper right column.



 I know I'll miss seeing you and your families so I would love a text or email every once in a while from you.
Don't be a stranger... Say Hi every once in a while. I'm going to be going through FOMO most definitely... (Fear Of Missing Out) but it'll be worth having the party be outside and me: sitting in my house, uninvited by myself, working on faith, family and relationships.

 XO.
Jari

Cranky Night

As I type this evening, early evening, Avin is crying in her new bed. Not used to her new bed routine or room. Night three blues I suppose. 

The bigs are finishing up homework after a quick clean up of the house. They're heading to bed soon too. 

I'm cooling off after a big bad cranky episode. I hate to even tell you this but yes, I lose my temper sometimes. I'm real. I'm a sinner. 

I tend to get really cranky at least once when Joel is out of town. Tonight was the night. After a whole weekend of fun and girl time, we were in the middle of painting frames and canvases for Alyn & Avin's room, and I looked around at the mess and chaos of the house and lost it. 

I felt like an idiot as soon as I shouted as it is always my fault. I am the root of most of my problems. It always stinks having to apologize to your kids. But I do... And I did. Instantly it humbles me. Then I repent to Jesus. 

Why do I do that? Why do I get so angry? Why does a messy house make one freak out? Why should that matter? I'm ashamed. Sad. Sorry. 

Now that the tears are dry, I will go start a nice bath, grab a cup of coffee, and read my book. 

Joel we miss you. Please come home safely. 

XO

Jari

Give Me Some Jesus

I'm so happy that today finally arrived!

It's been placed on my heart to host a Bible study for quite a while. I always made excuses... Too busy, not smart enough, not this, not that, bad at this, suck at that. Satan was totally controlling my thoughts. 

But when the constant nudge wouldn't go away, I decided to share the idea with a friend. It was then, when tears flowed, that I knew the time was NOW that we grow together in Christ. 

Well, today was the day. 

With the help and encouragement of a sweet friend, today we started our Beth Moore: Believing God bible study. 

I'm excited to grow over the next few months with the 5 gals that showed up. It's my prayer that we will start believing God is who He says He is, He can do what He says He can do. That we are who He says we are. That we can do all things through Christ and that Gods word is alive AND active in our lives. 

XO

Jari

The Major Fit

Many of you saw this face today...

Avin's first real fit. She was mad because I wouldn't let her play with the outlets. 

But I'm not talking about her tonight. 

I'm talking about me. 

Tonight for dinner, the big girls had a Chopped challenge again. They were doing great but then they started to show off (probably because their dad AND their grandma were here watching tonight too). 

I said something not very nice to Arly and Joel told me to stop. Then my pride was hurt. I pouted and walked to my room right as the girls dished up their meals. 

I jumped in the shower and hid there with the door locked for about 40 minutes (yep, just like a real mature parent/adult)

When I got out, I got dressed and went to bed. I had every intention of going to bed (another mature move since it's my moms last night visiting) and not going back out to be with my family. 

I had every horrible thought go through my mind about myself. As the self loathing was reaching its highest peak, I quickly grabbed my bible and started reading about anger and pride. 

As soon as I finished reading James 4, Joel walked into the bedroom to check on me. 

And we talked. A lot. 

We talked about grace, love, pride, humility, anger, and change. How we need Jesus to help us change. 

I can lose my temper and be very prideful. Too often. And usually my girls see this. 

But they are so forgiving. They show me love and grace every day. They love Jesus and share His love and mercy every day with me. 

I'm happy that I got out of the room, saw my sin for what it is, didn't let it define the rest of my night, and enjoyed the evening with a joyful heart. 

I love that God's mercy is new every second. We don't have to wait... Until we change, until tomorrow.... We can only change through the power of the Holy Spirit. 

Have you thrown a fit lately? Or is it just me.... And Avin?

XO

Jari

You know what I love?

When a neighbor stops by almost unannounced and is welcomed into my messy home. 

A year ago I would have ducked behind the couch and waited until the knocking stopped. My kids would have been army crawling across the floor to the nearest hiding place. All because I was either in sweats and without a bra and probably yesterday's make-up. But The Lord has really worked on my heart and I've learned that He loves me for me. I don't need to crave acceptance from others but just be myself and share his love. 

When Joanna knocked on the door today, I was just waking up from a nap. The house was in disarray with paperwork spread across the whole living room floor from a very helpful 10 month old. Clean laundry all over the couches and even an extra dining room table cluttered with stuff. The house didn't smell like Scentsy goodness as I hadn't changed it out in a few days and said 10 month old was super crabby and tired. 

But I answered the door with a smile. Grateful to have a spontaneous conversation with my friend. Happy to grow our friendship. We talked about business, family and Jesus. 

Even though myself and house weren't presentable, I've never felt more comfortable in the midst of the chaos. 

XO

Jari

Relationship with Jesus (Part 2)

Since accepting Christ, life has had more ups and downs that I ever imagined. Or maybe I just see more clearly.

Sometimes, people think everything will be all peachy keen when you become a Christian. That you'll just become perfect. Or people think that you think you are perfect. (<--- ha!)  We are still human and are always sinners.

But when you have a relationship with Jesus, the way you handle the earthly, fleshly situations, is way different.

Every day I struggle with my sins; the need to feel accepted, anger, laziness, selfishness, fear.

I am nothing without the love of Jesus. Every day, I turn to him. I can't do this life here on my own. I'm thankful that I can trust Him to know and do what is best for me, even when I don't understand at all. When I'm weak, I lean on Him. In my strength, I glorify Him.

Without Christ, I was so lost. Trying to do everything on my own. Thinking I could control every thing. And things were crumbling all around me. But I would still try to be 'happy' through it all.

I'm so grateful that I was broken. He tends to do this to show us that we need Him. He is the ONLY way.

My relationship with my Savior is the most important thing to me. I love that it still needs work... and always will. I love that I get to keep growing and learning and loving Him daily. Every moment.

On my knees tonight, humbled, that He chose me.

XO.
Jari