Cranky Night

As I type this evening, early evening, Avin is crying in her new bed. Not used to her new bed routine or room. Night three blues I suppose. 

The bigs are finishing up homework after a quick clean up of the house. They're heading to bed soon too. 

I'm cooling off after a big bad cranky episode. I hate to even tell you this but yes, I lose my temper sometimes. I'm real. I'm a sinner. 

I tend to get really cranky at least once when Joel is out of town. Tonight was the night. After a whole weekend of fun and girl time, we were in the middle of painting frames and canvases for Alyn & Avin's room, and I looked around at the mess and chaos of the house and lost it. 

I felt like an idiot as soon as I shouted as it is always my fault. I am the root of most of my problems. It always stinks having to apologize to your kids. But I do... And I did. Instantly it humbles me. Then I repent to Jesus. 

Why do I do that? Why do I get so angry? Why does a messy house make one freak out? Why should that matter? I'm ashamed. Sad. Sorry. 

Now that the tears are dry, I will go start a nice bath, grab a cup of coffee, and read my book. 

Joel we miss you. Please come home safely. 

XO

Jari