Telling My Story

What would the world miss if we didn't tell our story?

It would miss my mess ups, my failures... it would miss my messy and my mundane.... but the world would also miss the miracles I've witnessed and my heart when it is overwhelmed, humbled, honest and overjoyed as well.

This past year has been an incredible ride.... really, my whole life has been.  Even though I think I'll remember every detail forever, I know that's impossible because every day, new memories, new moments are being made and at some point my brain will get full and start erasing moments. I know our days are short and I know that these moments, that these days that we live every single day, are worthy of being shared. They are worth the memory. They are meant to be shared. Even if I'm yelling, even if I'm falling flat on my face... but to share what falling on my knees looks like too. I want to remember the good, the incredible, the messy, the crazy. So I share it here.

What story do you have to tell? Are you brave enough to share it? What if you did? Would people see you differently? Wouldn't the honesty feel so right? Let's step back and let Jesus shine in our every day.

Until tomorrow,

Fear is Sneaky

Yesterday, fear made it's way into this house.

The big girls both have colds. Super yuck snotty noses. Razor blade slicing throats. Tired and exhausted little bodies.

We've been living like they have the worst disease. I have sanitized every surface in our home, focusing on handles (every doorknob, fridge, microwave, sink, garbage, toilet flusher, handrail, everything). I woke up with a runny nose and stiff eyes and beyond tired.

I was on high alert with the two young Spry babies. I spent most of the day washing Avin's hands and using 'hanitizer' on them almost after every move she made.

NO ONE touched Anchor except for me. I wouldn't allow it. What if he gets sick?

I spent entirely too much of the day watching his chest. Each rise up and then deflate down. I was trying to tell myself that he was labored in his breathing. It was almost as if I was looking for what was wrong rather than what was right.

In the later afternoon, I swore he looked pale as he was sitting in his swing. I quickly ran to the bedroom to grab is oximeter. Remember that thing that had abused me for too long? Yes, that little machine that told me how our days were going to be in the hospital. The one that kept me up for nights on end telling me to worry at every little move.

But this time, I was just going to grab a quick reading; just a spot check to see how he was doing. It was reading a little low.... for a while. I would watch. Anchor was sound asleep and when he should be 93+, he was sitting at 91-92.

So I did the most rational thing anyone would do.... I FREAKED OUT! My baby's sick! What are we going to do? How did this happen? Should I take him in right now?

Y'all, my baby wasn't/isn't sick. I am. I let Satan create a fear in me that I had let go of a while ago. I wasn't trusting in Jesus in that moment. I was trying to control every germ in our house. Have you ever tried to do that? Control every germ? It's exhausting... and impossible for us as humans. Only God has that power. But the devil was using my control as a way to creep in and plant fear in my heart.

After a prayer of release of control & fear,  I changed out our sweet boys oxygen cords, taped on a fresh cannula, grabbed him from his swing and cuddled him. As I was holding this little growing miracle, feeling his breath in sync with my own, I knew The Lord was telling me just to trust Him. Like we have from the beginning, we know we can't carry the burden of our breaths. Jesus has that for us. We just make sure we enjoy every moment we have while we are breathing.

That's what I was reminded yesterday. To trust. Again. Always. And then we took off the oximeter and got this sweet look. Oh my precious boy.

Our Heroes (NICU Nurses)

The term hero kind of sounds cliche. But truly, I can't think of another word that would even come close to describing how brave, intelligent, comforting and loving the Neonatal Intensive Care nurses are at Community Medical Center.

From the moment Anchor Joel was born on May 4th at a teeny 1 pound 15 ounces, not once did I feel that he could have been in better hands. There were many moments when just the look of kindness or sincerity would help calm my fears. The sure hands that helped my only son to my chest for the first time and even up to the hundredth time, I knew he was in the best care.

These nurses, whom I now call friends, were his moms when I couldn't be there. They cared for him and loved him while I was still heavily drugged for the first 2 days. They were my hands and comforting voice in between my 252 trips back and forth to the NICU.

Some heard me laugh every time my son would pass gas, some saw me mad at the scale the last few days there... but all of you saw me cry. Whether tears of exhaustion or tears of joy and hope, you were there to just listen.

Most of you new our faith and shared your stories of redemption with us too. The words we read together with each new bible verse we would hang on his bed, brought comfort to all of us. Some prayed with us each time we left our son.... and before every procedure or test he had. We thank you for your faith as it helped us keep ours strong.

One of you even walked me all the way to the emergency room the night I discovered I had mastitis; just so I knew exactly where I needed to go.

A few of you even found time to touch this mamas heart through baby feet crafts. I will cherish the foot anchor and Mother's Day craft. One of you helped me climb way back behind the isolette and ventilator machine to hang up his banner just to make it feel a little more like his home there. 

There really are not enough words of gratitude I could express to say how grateful Joel and I are for your care and comfort of our precious boy. My heart belongs to the NICU now. Your love helped carry us through that scary but incredible time we had in room 2.

I will never be the same because of you.

I love you.

XO.

I can do so much more...

There are days when I don't like the choices I make. Most days actually. 

Whether it's what time I sleep until or having one too many sweets. Or maybe it's the constant procrastination on nearly every deadline or to do. Lack of bible time or lack of physical activity. 

Ever since the whirlwind of baby Anchor, it seems no matter how hard or how much I think about something, I haven't been doing. 

I look around at some of my favorite people and crave specific things or disciplines that they have. Not that I'm discontent with my life, I love what I have going on... I'm just not living it to the fullest. 

I've made my list... that's the planner in me... of what small changes I'm going to make in my every day. Because they say 'small changes make a big difference.' 

And that's what I'm going for... A big difference. 

So now I'd like to know, what is a small something you know you should start doing in order to get that big change over time. How do you make sure you are living and loving life to the fullest?

The Potty & the Carousel Lesson

I 

Avin has been working so hard the past couple of weeks to get herself out of her diapers for good. (Okay, maybe mom has been hounding her but she responds to a nag apparently.)

Two weeks ago we made her a potty chart (yep, on a dinner menu calendar but hey, you use what you've got when you think of it and have the time to sit down and get it done.) At the end of every week, she get a reward. You'll notice that last week was ice cream and this week was the carousel downtown. She can only earn this if she went all week using the potty during waking hours. Not one single accident, which tells me that she is more than ready. In November, she was almost potty trained completely.... then I got pregnant and was too exhausted to constantly be running her to the bathroom. I know, selfish. But oh how that first trimester always kicks my butt. After I finally started feeling better, we started again. And then we had Anchor. And then we quit again. So now we are finally doing it. 100% committed. Let's be honest, having a reward dangling in front of you helps too!

Today, we finally put a sticker up on the day for the carousel! Oh how she's been waiting and asking for this day for 2 full weeks. After a quick walk through downtown to catch the Saturday morning bustle, we finally found our way, through the pouring rain, to the carousel.

We waited in line for one whole ride and then it was our turn to get on. 

Missoula's carousel is one of the fastest in North America, so I was hesitant on letting Avin ride by herself on her horse. Because it's so fast, they don't allow parents to stand by the kiddo. You either ride with them or ride next to them. Avin was begging to ride alone, so I figured if I was sitting beside her, she could ride alone.... with the belt wrapped twice around her for safety. Because honestly, 2 weeks of waiting for a 2 year old is a long, long time. 

She ran around the whole ring of wooden horses looking for the perfect 'unicorn.' She found the prettiest, 'farkly' (sparkly... but there weren't any sparkles. Ha!) unicorn (except it wasn't a unicorn, just a girly horse) with an adorable little wooden puppy riding on the tail end (another nice word for butt)

I lifted her on and strapped her in before realizing the only open horse next to hers was a BUCKING BRONCO! This mom had to ride a horse that was at a 45 degree angle. Are you kidding me?!? But, she worked so hard and I could sacrifice a little bit of discomfort (or a LOT of bit) for a few spins around the carousel.

Our horses made 2 full circles and we heart the loudest clunk. Um... not good. The carousel BROKE! I was crushed for Avin. But she had absolutely no idea that this wasn't normal. She was just too happy that she got to ride the horse, up and down, all by herself! She was laughing uncontrollably and had the proudest smile for minutes after we got off.

When I looked at it as a big major disappointment and set back, she didn't see that at all. She only experienced joy. Pure joy. Even short lived. And then we got ice cream. 

Her satisfaction reminds me to be happy for the little bits and not always craving the much. For some reason, I seem to be an all or nothing person. If I get behind on my bible reading, I feel crushed and if I can't do the whole lesson in one day, I quit. But if I just took the little bits when I could that would be better than being obsessed with not getting it all done. Instead of not stopping with one piece of carrot cake and being satisfied, I feel like I need a second. 

What I think I'm saying is to enjoy the small things. This is something I'm trying to live in. Joy in the little. 

A Weight of Happiness!

When I took off his wet diaper this morning, all I could do was pray and beg God for some weight gain, as I placed him on the baby scale.  Every pump, every bottle, every sleepy eye was worth what we saw today! Joel and I were completely surprised to see that our little Anchor had quadrupled his birth weight! When we saw the scale read 7 lb 15 oz we both may have squealed a little bit. Walking into our appointment, we were hoping for 7 lb 8 oz, so to have almost another half pound above your expectation was beyond thrilling!

During our stay in the NICU, our son had to be put on several different milk fortifiers (formula that they add to the breastmilk) to get him to gain any weight. Every formula we tried would just tear his little guts up. Finally, exhausted with trying and failing, Dr Stevens and I both decided that we could try only breastmilk. Now here's to preface that I have a TON of milk! A little perspective; I have almost 3,000 ounces in our freezer and have fed Anchor from the beginning plus I've provided supplemental milk for a sweet baby girl too.

When we started exclusively feeding breastmilk, he started losing weight. For 3 days he lost weight and to be honest, that was one of the worst feelings as his mom. He had gone through so much just to get to the point of just being a 'feeder and grower' (NICU term for a baby that just needs to get bigger before they can go home) that losing weight from your mama's milk just stinks.

However, on the 4th day he finally gained a few grams. The next day a few more. And ever since then, he has been growing like crazy!

It's been a little bit exhausting doing the double duty of pumping, pouring into bottles, feeding him, washing bottles and pumping supplies and doing it all over again. However, after so many tears and so much frustration over the past few months, today truly felt like a victory!

Today Anchor Joel feels like a newborn. Like a baby thriving in his environment and I couldn't feel any more relief that I do right now. His lungs will grow. They'll get bigger and stronger with time. His heart will prayerfully heal (his ASD -atrial septal defect- sometimes referred to as a hole in the heart — is a type of congenital heart defect in which there is an abnormal opening in the dividing wall between the upper filling chambers of the heart - will prayerfully go away as he gets bigger. 


And now... we can rest easier knowing that he is growing. A lot! Chubby babies makes this mama happy. 
The result from today's appointment makes me feel like we are on the next road of our journey. Almost like we are heading down the back stretch. During today's appointment, Anchor also had to have his 4 month vaccines. He cried. And then ate. 100% breastmilk. Almost 3 ounces. So it would be safe to say he is officially over 8 pounds. 
God is good. I'm so incredibly grateful. 

Who I Am Lately.

I've been struggling with writing. I'm not sure why other than feeling like I don't know how to share with you our everyday story exactly the way I want it to be told. Like I'm incapable of telling you how we are. So, tonight I'm going to start by sharing with you me. Who I am lately.

I am a wife. I am a nag. I am a mom. I am distracted. I am excited. I am a listener. I'm a screamer. I am a dog petter. I am the cook, cleaner and laundry stain scrubber. I am a leader. I am an encourager. I am scared. I am humbled. I am lonely but I am at peace. I am a snuggler and puzzle assistant. I'm a helper of homework and budget planner. I am a lemonade and coffee spill cleaner upper. I am a texter. I am a Food Network watcher... in the background of my day. I am a negotiator and questioner of insurance claims. I am forgetful... (Happy Birthday yesterday Mom! I love you!) I'm a procrastinator. I am crazy busy.... but yet crazy lazy. I'm a husband kisser. I'm a communicator. I am a baby milk producer. I am a PTSA member (just signed up tonight.) I am a Bible studier. I'm a story teller and book reader. I am a prayer over my husband, kiddos and home. I'm a hoarder of God's miracles (I promise to share soon.) I'm a collector of stationary. I am a monitor silencer. I am a student planner signer. I am a cheerleader and a play dough artist. I'm a pro diaper changer and also the recipient of an occasional pee pee shower! (EW! ... BOYS!) I am vulnerable. I am weak. I'm a taco pie maker and a chocolate chip cookie baker. I'm a swaddler. I am a pumpkin lover (like everything pumpkin including the pumpkin spice ice cream from Schwann's.... get yourself some!) I am a bath time attendee. I am a dishwasher. I am tired. I am a coffee and wine drinker... and a goldfish cracker eater. And so much more.

And this was just today. As I sit here and put down into words the exact feelings I had today; how I labeled myself today; I hear the Holy Spirit telling me who I really am.

I am a daughter of The King. First and foremost. I am strong because I have Christ and I don't have to go through my days trying to do and be it all. I have been given these gifts and responsibilities of being a wife, mom and business owner because The Lord loves me. And that is exciting and humbling. I have a story that needs to be told. Everyday. Even when I'm tired or feeling insignificant in the scheme of our day to day. Who would I be to not share His goodness? I am called to share our blessings with others. It's time to be brave. The words will come.

If you've been around for a while you'll know that I took a friend's challenge and wrote everyday a couple years ago for a long time (I didn't make it quite a year) but now I know that the only way I'll remember this season in our lives is if I write it down. And let's face it, I'm a way better typer than I am a writer. I want to remember. I want to share. So please join me. I'll be here.... being vulnerable, scattered but brave.

When Plans Change

Today marks 81 days of life in the NICU. Today was also suppose to be the day that we were finally going to take our son through the hospital doors. But plans changed.

I've been able to take some curve balls with stride during the past 12 weeks here, but today was different. Today I felt devastated. Heartbroken. Sad. Frustrated. Defeated.

Today I also was humbled. Joel and I had taken down nearly all of his decorations. We said good bye to our nurses and friends.... because when they are pretty much the only people you've been around the past 3 months, they become friends who understand and love you through this big life event. He passed the car seat test. We took our CPR class. We finished all of our discharge checklist. He is gaining weight. We got comfortable with the easy coasting. We were used to taking only steps forward. It had been weeks since we've had a set back with Anchor's care; we were past that.

But we weren't. And we aren't.

During his morning check up, on the day of discharge, our little guys blood pressure was up. It had been slowly creeping up the past few days but we were told this is something we would just keep an eye on during our out patient care with our pediatrician. But this morning, we were told that it's high enough to be concerning. Anchor had to do more blood work and began blood pressure medicine per the request of the pediatric nephrologist from Seattle Childrens. They are sending his labs into Mayo Clinic for more comprehensive testing and to check kidney function.

So we are here. This is where we'll be until at least Sunday. And even though it's hard, and it sucks, and I'm sad, I know that this is exactly where we are suppose to be. The Lord's timing is always perfect and we will rest in that today.... and always.

Tonight, I will sit here, constantly being reminded of the blessings and constant favor God has shown us during the past few months... and I will rejoice.

I Write.

For some reason, I have not been here. Writing. On this blank, white screen.

Maybe it has been that I've been in the car the past 73 days. Driving back and forth to the hospital. Maybe it's been trying to nurse a teeny tiny baby with big huge boobs. Maybe it's been the lack of sleep. Or the lack of coffee. Or because I can't get these 'bing bings' from the monitors out of my head.

But what about the in between minutes and sometimes precious hours I was spending with our girls. Maybe it was because we were sitting on the back deck 'washing our toes' in the inflatable pool. Maybe I haven't written because I was cheering on our girls during the few games I got to watch this season. Maybe it's because we were hanging humming bird feeders, watering our new garden, or serving pretend 'cheeebugers' from the window on the new playhouse. Maybe.

Maybe it's because I'm drowning in medical bills and doctor appointments. Maybe it's because all I've been able to think about is which education is best for our two precious oldest daughters. Or maybe I haven't even opened my computer in weeks because I've been cleaning closets and spending my spare time journaling, sleeping and reading books that have been sitting on my shelf for too long that need to get finished. Maybe it's because Joel and I have been binge watching Scandal because our girls are away and we are completely bored with a list of to dos a mile long. Maybe.

But I think the main reason I haven't been here, why I haven't been present and openly talking about our journey is because the devil is telling me that no one wants to hear it. That I could never tell this story good enough. The story that I'm living. The journey that I'm on. That it wouldn't mean anything to anyone else. He's been telling me that I don't have time to share.

Sometimes it takes a sweet soul to remind you that Satan is not in control. Jesus is. And our story, this incredible story of ours... our everyday life...  the boring, the miraculous, the hard and sweet, the scary and joyful.... is meant to be shared.

I named this blog Everyday Jari. There is nothing special about me. No super powers that are getting me through this season in life. I deserve nothing. But I want this story, our story, here. I want to be raw and real, authentic and genuine... in the crazy and the lazy (<---- I'm already starting to pray for lazy days!)... but.. BUT I want to glorify Christ and live for Him. I want to share. And it's time I choose to be brave and talk about everything we've been going through. If for anything.... for me. For my family to have as a journal during this incredible, wonderful, stressful and beautiful season of our lives.

I Miss 'Normal'

Written on June 19, 2015:

Alyn hit an infield GRAND SLAM today during a game in Great Falls!

And both her dad and I missed it. This makes me sad. It's missing out on 'life' with our girls for the past 47 days that has been the hardest... and saying 'see ya later' to our son 3 times a day stinks too.

I just miss our normal. I miss not being able to braid the girls' hairs before their games. I miss cheering for them like a wild lady on the sidelines. I miss seeing Joel out there coaching the group of girls he loves so much. I miss chasing Avin around the park. I miss resting my hands on my pregnant belly. I miss Joel feeling the baby kick.

I may have had a little sadness in my voice when I asked Joel tonight.... "This is not how I pictured our summer. Did you?"

His instant reply "Nope. But God's plan is far better than we could ever imagine."

And it's so true.

I never thought in a million years that we would have our baby at 26 weeks. I never knew what joy and heartache we would endure. I don't even know how we are getting through these days with so much crazy and so much waiting we have to do.

I just miss our normal.

I would go on to tell you that I'm excited for our new life and what it looks like so I don't sound ungrateful or come off as a drag.... but I'm just being real. I'm just being honest. I miss our old normal. A lot.

Big Sister Love.

 With oooing and ahhing non stop when they enter into their baby brothers NICU room, I just know these two big sisters are completely head over heels with the new little guy in our lives. Our girls had to wait about a week and a half after Anchor Joel was born before they could be in the same room with him. They did get a few sneak peeks in from the window (most adorable photo ever!)

NICU has a very strict policy that only brothers and sisters to the patient who are up to date with their immunizations. This might not seem like a big deal but when you aren't the most organized gal in the world (or even the neighborhood!) it takes some time to get all the records you need all compiled and ready to have your doctor sign off on them. Arly was behind on one shot, but she eagerly marched her way into the doctors office and took one for team Anchor. Finally, after 10 days of waiting, your sisters got to touch their precious little buddy... and I'm absolutely positive they fell in love all over again.

Both Arly & Alyn come in with us a couple of times per week and help with Anchor's 'hands on' time. They've gotten very good at doing his containment therapy (see how they have their hands lightly on his head and back? That makes him feel secure with boundaries... just like it feels for him in the womb). They also get to take his temperature under his arm pit and help with his 'milk pops!' - he loves a q-tip dipped in breast milk and rolled on his tongue. It's his absolutely favorite part of hands on care I'm sure of it!

I can't wait until the day when those precious little hands are holding their baby brother... tickling his toes... playing cars with him on the floor... throwing balls back and forth to each other. Some day.... sooner than we'll ever imagine.

Friendship is...

When you are away and you just know they are loving on your kids like their own. 

When you stop by for something quick and you spend hours talking and laughing. 

When you don't have dinner together weekly you miss them. 

When you have about a dozen inside jokes that no one else understands. 

When the sound of their laugh brings the biggest smile to your face. 

When you can ask for prayer and know they'll pray with and for you. 

This is a friendship that makes me want to be a better friend. A friendship that has taught me how to laugh, love, and serve. 

We are so blessed to have these friends in our life for so many reasons. They have taught us to be a better family. 

Thank you for always being there for us. For always helping us out. Know how much we appreciate you.  

Do you have a friendship like this with someone? If so, you are so blessed! If not; BE a friend like this. I encourage you to start a weekly something with someone you live near. Game night, coffee, dinner. Be a friend for your neighbor. Joyfully serve them. 

I miss my girls so much. I'm flying at about 35,000 feet on my 5th plane ride in 3 days and have one more flight to go tonight before I will be able to squeeze the 3 Spry girls. I'm so thankful that even when I'm unable to physically take care of my children, we have loving friends who willingly open their home and their doors to our girls. 

Feeling blessed tonight. 

XO

Jari

Back to Life...

Back to the reality of mothering, teaching, laundry, cooking, unpacking, leading, learning and I'm loving every moment of it. 

It's Monday. I know a lot of people who do not look forward to this day of the week as they have to head off to a job that they don't really love.

Today I felt especially blessed to be living MY life. A work at home mom. 

I'll be the first to tell you that I have complained about it all in the past. I've been complacent and lazy with my daily duties. But something happened this past week in my heart. 

I'm not sure if it was being away from my girls... Or having some space to feel like I could really relax and breathe... But my eyes and heart were opened to joy. 

My joy...

Since we landed at home, I've really been intentional with just soaking in and loving my life. 

When I was preparing lessons late last night, I would have usually felt burdened and tired, but I chose joy. We live in a country that still allows us to educate our children with our values. 

As I was unpacking bag, after bag, after bag of dirty clothes, I would have normally wanted to cry looking at the pile of work in front of me. Instead, all I saw was the our sweet little girls we have been overwhelmingly blessed with and the memories made while we were living out of those bags. 

There have been so many little moments that have made me swell up with joy today. I feel new. I'm looking at my sweet life through new lenses. It's a beautiful mess, more beautiful than messy but messy nonetheless, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. 

Now it's time to do the pile of dishes so I can drift off to dreamland and wake up early...(earlier than I used to ;)

XO

Jari

2014: I'm so glad you're here.

There you have it folks.... a brand New Year!

As I sit and reflect on 2013, I am reminded of how incredibly blessed I am. Although I couldn't tell you many (if any) 'accomplishments' I had last year, I certainly feel it was definitely a year of adjustment.

Having little miss Avin around has been such a joy.... and so hard at the same time. We have enjoyed every moment with her... in fact, it seems that we have been completely, 100% consumed with her and adjusting to life with a little little again.

Honestly, 2013 feels like a blur. We had a couple difficult losses in our family... which brought us to our knees. We had a scary fire close to us that had us on lock down for a week... and we learned to trust.  We missed out our on our annual leadership trip and incentive trip for our Scentsy business... which taught us to enjoy the season of life that we're in. We also gained new family members this year... which made our hearts leap with answered prayers. Arly got braces... which has made us learn discipline. Joel became a coach... that is teaching us how to be more consistent. I also started this blog... with the intent to write daily... which has taught me grace. (Lord knows I need that!)

Overall, it was a year full of learning. Adjusting. Growing. And trusting.

I've been trying to come up with my one little word of the year and so far, all I can think of is DO. Simply DO.

I have spent way too long planning, searching, surfing, hoping for change in my life.

To be a better wife.
To be a better mom.
To be a better business woman.
To be a better homemaker.
Friend.
Daughter.
Sister.
Neighbor.
Servant.
And the list could go on and on and on.

Now is the time to just DO! 

DO get in my bible daily. 

DO wake up early. 

DO be constant in prayer. 

DO serve my husband. 

DO be present with my girlios. 

DO be intentional with my time. 

DO learn to accept myself. 

DO trust. 

DO become the leader my team deserves. 

DO live well. 

It's time to stop dreaming, wishing, and even planning... None of that matters unless you obey the demands of your heart. 

For too long I've ignored. 

I've never felt more excited, motivated, inspired, and at peace with me (and all my flaws) than I do right now. 

The Lord is gracious. His mercies are new every day. So thankful we have a new day, new year, to DO. 

What about you...Did you make resolutions? Choose a word for 2014? 

Happy New Year!

XO

Jari (the DO-er)

Starting out... And over

Today's sermon at Sovereign Hope was exactly what I needed to hear today. I can't quit smiling!

I've been dreaming and scheming, planning and praying for a simple, full life lived well for the New Year. It's been a while (way too long to be very honest) since I've really felt motivated to do much. Much work. Much reading. Much blogging. Much care giving. Much of anything. 

I'm sure you've noticed my absence from the blog, Facebook and even from returning calls, emails and texts. I'm sorry for that. I really have no excuse. I've been in full relaxation mode... Gaining clarity and peace for the last days of this year. 

I can't even describe to you how excited I am for 2014. Not that the year changing by a digit really means a whole lot other than a new season. I'm going to live well. Live right. Love right. I know this because I've never been so convicted about something before as I am now. 

And I'm obeying. 

I'm running back to The Lord to show me exactly how to be a better person.... a better Christian, wife, mom... And how to be a better homemaker. (Anything will be better than what I was!)

Back to why I'm writing this post... I'm starting a new Bible reading plan tomorrow morning. I've never been consistently in Gods Word and I know that it is so foundational for my faith. The Word is rich. And I'm ready for it to dwell within me... So I can live life on purpose. 

That's where you come in. Because I struggle with consistency, I need you to help hold me accountable to my study. Every day, I'm going to post what I read. If you'd like, we can dive deep in His Word together. I'm using the Discipleship Journal - Book at a Time Bible Reading Plan. You can find the plan at www.discipleshipjournal.com. 

Do you actively read Scripture? Do you use a plan? If so, which one?

So excited to share more of everything that's been going on in this blond (but not as blond as I used to be) head!!!!

Thanks for always checking in on me and following along my little journey. I'm blessed to have you as a reader. 2014 is going to be amazing!!!!

XO

Jari

Relaxing Realizations

I guess it's been a couple of days since I've written here. Honestly, I have been in 100% relaxation mode!

We have been on a mini 'working' vacation... I say working because Joel had to travel for work this week and the girls and I just jumped in the car and went along for the fun. That is exactly what we were having... FUN! We even built a fort!

We spent the afternoon at our friend Kay's house to craft on Wednesday. See the goodies we made? The girls love spending time with 'Mama Kay' as they get to craft a little something every time.

The rest of the time, the girls and I pretty much have just hung out at the hotel. We got a suite this time so having the extra room proved very beneficial for a certain little one year old to take her 2 daily naps.

I dove into an incredible book yesterday and am almost finished today! Sparkly Green Earrings by Melanie Shankle is hilariously funny one moment and will bring a little quiet tear the next. Such a good read that I even skipped out on the nightly swimming session with family because I just couldn't put it down. (Truth be told, I had to force myself to write tonight because all I want to do is finish that book!)

It's amazing at how much a person can do when they are absent from the distractions of our every day life! I'm blown away at the girls and their ability to sit down and not only finish their school work in a very short amount of time, but really excel at it. They have finished their daily work in approximately 2 hours each day as opposed to the 5-6 hours it takes at home. The same amount of work, same difficulty... but I'm fairly positive there was a lack of "Alyn, please load the dishwasher. Arly, the dog needs fed. Can you watch Avin real quick while I switch laundry." And so many 'so ons' that I'm sure come out of my mouth almost every minute.

This week also brought on some deep conviction and evaluation of my life and heart. I am praying, planning and preparing for a new year that will be full of growth and action in a simplified way. I'm looking forward to a face lift... in all areas of my life. (Yeah, that kind of seems cliche typing it - but I'm ready to raise my standards for myself.) (I actually don't really need a face lift... but something else could be lifted.) (Did I just say that?!) (One more week of weaning and we are finished... CHEER & TEAR!)

XO

Jari

In... but not of

I'm realizing that in this season of being absent from social media, I have been spending a lot of time planning and reevaluating everything I do. Questioning what I'm doing and what is worth doing... is it adding value to my life or the lives of others. I'm loving this fast (even though I know my family and some friends are struggling with me not being on facebook right now - I heard a bit about that while we were home and surrounded by family the past couple of weeks)

Taking a 6 week break from comparing myself with others, getting locked in conversations that have nothing to do with me, and getting lost in a mound of photos of people I hardly know has really helped me refocus on myself, my faith and my family. 

With that being said, I do feel like I'm ready to go back to Instagram. I have noticed that I don't take nearly enough photos of my family and our every day moments that I want to remember forever without it. (Seems silly that I'll only remember taking the photos if I have a place to post them but for some reason, it just works that way)

So as of tonight, I'm back on Instagram. (Don't worry Grandma, I'll have them linked right to Facebook!) Not to get sucked in, but to use it as a tool. Oh I will have rules for myself that I will stay disciplined to follow but I'm excited to be back 'in the world.' 

That's one thing that I have realized... that the world is there. Here on the web.  I need to be a part of it. But only to add value to others, to glorify God and not devalue my little world. I will not allow myself to be consumed by it. 

The Word of God in the New Testament encourages us to continue our relationships with the world around us, but to be careful to live in a way that pleases God, not the culture:

1 John 2:15
Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.

Romans 12:2
And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.

That's why I had to fast... Not just because I thought I needed a break, but because I was consumed with discontent of worldly things, ideas, and perfection. 

It was a slap in the face that I needed to back off, pray and fast so that I could refocus on my relationships: with God and my family. 

If I were to post right now, it would be of these two beautiful young ladies. Tonight they had their piano recital and both did an amazing job, even though they were both overly nervous. 

Since starting my social media fast, I have spent way more time with these girls. I've learned so much about them because I am intentional about listening to them. Really listening. I feel like I missed out on them because I was 'too busy.' All of the 'just a seconds' took over and that caused me to miss many minutes, hours and even seasons in their lives.

This brings me to one of my main rules.... you must not lose time with your girls. They are more precious than any 'like', 'follow' or 'tag' you'll ever receive. Do not get distracted and lose your focus on those beautiful brown eyes. They need you to be a focused, intentional, right now mama. God is working on my heart right now. I can feel it. I'm so excited to see what this next chapter holds for us. 

XO.

Jari

Happy Birthday Avin!

Happiest Birthday to our sweet little Bear, Avinantor, Nator, Avi, Cakes, Widdle Baby, Avicakers, A!!!!

I can hardly believe it's been a year since the moment we met you. We prayed and prayed for a healthy baby and The Lord gave us so much more. 

You are such a sweet, content little one who is full of adventure. I'm still in awe at how early you learned to walk that you are almost a pro already. Now if we could just get the stairs down you'll be golden. 

You have taught us all so much about life this past year. I know that I'm a better mama to all of you girls now because of you. You continue to teach me to be less selfish. You have taught me patience and how to love more. (Now how in the world will we ever get you weaned?!)

 Your big sissies adore you and are so helpful every single moment. You really do have 3 mamas. You can almost say 'Arly' and you love Alyn's glasses. They can both make you really laugh. 

You are a daddy's girl. When you see him that is all you will say 'dada dada dada!' You sometimes tease him with kisses but it never fails that when he is in your sight, you run to him with arms wide open. It's a beautiful thing. 

You are such a blessing. While worshipping at home or church, you sing to Jesus with your sweet loud voice with hands lifted high. I pray that you wil love Him forever. 

We celebrated your birthday at WaTiki Warter Park with our closest family that could be there. 

Little Bear, you are so loved. Thank you for your smiles. For your mischievous looks. For your big kisses and little clapping hands. 

Happy Birthday love. 

XO

Momma

Cozy Cruise Down a Sparkling Memory Lane

Joel and I took our girls for a little cruise around our old stompin' grounds tonight.

I finally finished up their Advent Calendar (only 5 days late!) this morning  - - hard to do when you're on the road - - and tonight I knew that we had some free time and it would be the perfect opportunity to cruise around town looking at Christmas lights.

Right after we finished our Chinese delivery dinner... (heck yes, delivery because it was -11 degrees when we ordered dinner - - BURR!), we bundled up and heated up our new ride. (Have I told you that we got a new vehicle about 12 hours before we left MT!!? and we LOVE IT!)

Anyhoo, we bundled up, grabbed some hot caramel steamers to go, and made our way through West Boulevard. I will say that Joel and I were highly disappointed with the lack of Christmas lights up. It's been many years since I had been up there but when we were little, that street would GLOW like Clark Griswold's house. It was such a big thing for me to do while in Rapid City, that I absolutely wanted to take the girls up there to see the beautiful sight. But tonight just wasn't the night. Maybe 5 houses had lights up. So sad.

But our adventure didn't stop there. We drove up some big hill streets and saw some beautiful homes with lights. Then we drove past the hospital and showed the girls where they were born. Since we were on the right side of town, we did a drive by of our two homes in the city.

Oh my.... The house on Ivy brought back memories of Joel and I first learning about each other and living together for the first time. Many nights partying there. Many nights just snuggling on the couch getting to know each other. Many nights of tears there too when we experienced our first pregnancy as a loss. We parked out front and shared so many memories with the girls. It was surreal.

Then the apartments just down the street. That was Arly's first home. All the way until she was 16 months old before we moved across the state. I'll never forget climbing up the three flights of stairs with a baby and then sweet toddler while carrying groceries. She had her many firsts in that apartment and that is where we started our family. Two bedrooms, barely enough room for a dining table, and community laundry. Ah memories.

I loved tonight. I wish I had some photos to share with you but my phone battery was sucked dry. Which is nice to be unplugged and have the chance relax but not having photos to remember this memory really stinks.

That brings me to another point. So you know that I have been fasting from social media since October. I have found that because I'm not on Instagram, I'm not taking nearly as many photos of the girls or just documenting our every day moments.

I actually had a few of my favorite people (grandma, sister, aunties!) question me about my social media fast this past week and kind of beg me to come back... just for the photos of the girls.  I totally understand where they are coming from but I'm not ready to come back to Facebook at all yet. But I do want our family and friends to have photos of us. And I do want a reason to remember to take the photos throughout the day. But I'm struggling how I'm going to make that happen or whether I'm ready to go back at all. I've enjoyed the break. A lot.

Instagram would be the place I would return first. Honestly, it's what I miss the most. Just photos. I could even link it to my Facebook feed for those who aren't on IG.

Hmmmm....

Decisions, decisions. Lots of prayer and rules will be needed.

One more note:
Saturday is Avin's 1st birthday and we did a little shopping at downtown's square. Look how much fun the little Bear was having. Time to prepare for the party!

XO.
Jari

I'm NEVER GOING BACK...

To the place that has held me bondage for so many years.

To what caused 90% of the arguments with my husband.

To feeling discontent with my life and feeling like I had to have more.

To the pits in my stomach because I couldn't believe what I had done... and kept doing... over and over.

To the tears. The fear of  'will we ever dig ourselves out?'

I am so happy to tell you that after 12 years of having credit card debt... tens of thousands.... we are CREDIT CARD DEBT FREE! We paid off our last remaining credit card debts on Thanksgiving!

I am so thankful for our growing and successful Scentsy business that has given us the opportunity to make an income that I still am trying to wrap my head around. I am also thankful for our church and their Financial Peace University class by Dave Ramsey. What an amazing class that lays everything out for you in a very tangible way.

I also want to note that PLANNING played a big part of finally saying goodbye to those nasty monthly payments. It was finally when we really made the CHOICE that we desired to be free is when the snowball started rolling.

So this is where I am today.... Happy. Thankful. Feeling overwhelmingly blessed. God is so good. All the time.

Remind me to tell you soon about the whole credit card debt story... oh boy, there is lots to tell :)

XO.
Jari