Tuesday, January 26, 2016

My Story

When you let fear sneak in and grip your soul, you essentially are welcoming the devil to reside in your heart. 

Unfortunately, we let him tell us lies and we listen. We close up; trap ourselves from what we know and find joy in because we now believe that nothing is good and no one cares. We shrink into a pit. 

That's where we were, both Joel and I... In a pit. A self pity pit and we sat there just surviving the everyday life. Not thriving. Not growing. Just there. Numb to the outside world. 

But then, the Holy Spirit made it very clear that we have this moment, today this season to grow in Him. 

When Anchor was in the NICU and the days leading up to delivery, I knew what it was like to be on my knees. Physically and spiritually I was there.... Praising, thanking, begging, loving, trusting.  There was no room for anger, resentment or fear. I knew what it felt like to be close to The Lord; wrapped in his loving arms. Peace. Even through utter chaos, scary days and isolating weeks.... Peace. 

But then somehow, sometime, in the midst of all the crazy 'back to somewhat normal' life at home, I chose to believe the fear and lies. 

I'm a woman of few real regrets. I've learned from so many choices I've made in the past that I don't regret even poor decisions. But I do however regret not journaling and sharing this story... My story. It has all happened so quickly but yet the days have dragged on and on. I thought sometime I'll record it; but never did. That time is now. 

I want to share my story. All of it. I don't want to forget any day... Happy, boring, sad, crazy, scary, unpredictable, fun day. I don't want to forget any event... Sudden, to be determined, planned, spontaneous event.

It feels so good to be sitting in our quiet, albeit messy house... Back on the keys where one by one, sharing my thoughts. I'm looking forward to opening my heart  again here; being vulnerable in my every day life and doing my very best to glorify our gracious Father for each moment. 

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