Who I Am Lately.

I've been struggling with writing. I'm not sure why other than feeling like I don't know how to share with you our everyday story exactly the way I want it to be told. Like I'm incapable of telling you how we are. So, tonight I'm going to start by sharing with you me. Who I am lately.

I am a wife. I am a nag. I am a mom. I am distracted. I am excited. I am a listener. I'm a screamer. I am a dog petter. I am the cook, cleaner and laundry stain scrubber. I am a leader. I am an encourager. I am scared. I am humbled. I am lonely but I am at peace. I am a snuggler and puzzle assistant. I'm a helper of homework and budget planner. I am a lemonade and coffee spill cleaner upper. I am a texter. I am a Food Network watcher... in the background of my day. I am a negotiator and questioner of insurance claims. I am forgetful... (Happy Birthday yesterday Mom! I love you!) I'm a procrastinator. I am crazy busy.... but yet crazy lazy. I'm a husband kisser. I'm a communicator. I am a baby milk producer. I am a PTSA member (just signed up tonight.) I am a Bible studier. I'm a story teller and book reader. I am a prayer over my husband, kiddos and home. I'm a hoarder of God's miracles (I promise to share soon.) I'm a collector of stationary. I am a monitor silencer. I am a student planner signer. I am a cheerleader and a play dough artist. I'm a pro diaper changer and also the recipient of an occasional pee pee shower! (EW! ... BOYS!) I am vulnerable. I am weak. I'm a taco pie maker and a chocolate chip cookie baker. I'm a swaddler. I am a pumpkin lover (like everything pumpkin including the pumpkin spice ice cream from Schwann's.... get yourself some!) I am a bath time attendee. I am a dishwasher. I am tired. I am a coffee and wine drinker... and a goldfish cracker eater. And so much more.

And this was just today. As I sit here and put down into words the exact feelings I had today; how I labeled myself today; I hear the Holy Spirit telling me who I really am.

I am a daughter of The King. First and foremost. I am strong because I have Christ and I don't have to go through my days trying to do and be it all. I have been given these gifts and responsibilities of being a wife, mom and business owner because The Lord loves me. And that is exciting and humbling. I have a story that needs to be told. Everyday. Even when I'm tired or feeling insignificant in the scheme of our day to day. Who would I be to not share His goodness? I am called to share our blessings with others. It's time to be brave. The words will come.

If you've been around for a while you'll know that I took a friend's challenge and wrote everyday a couple years ago for a long time (I didn't make it quite a year) but now I know that the only way I'll remember this season in our lives is if I write it down. And let's face it, I'm a way better typer than I am a writer. I want to remember. I want to share. So please join me. I'll be here.... being vulnerable, scattered but brave.

Change is tough

I knew tonight wasn't going to be easy. Change is hard. But anything worth doing is hard. Usually the right things to do are hard. 

I'm not sure if it's just for this season or forever, but tomorrow, we are sending our big girls off for school. 

We've homeschooled for the past 5 years. It's been a challenge and an adventure since day one. I never thought I'd be able to teach them well. There was always doubt, but never more than I'm feeling today. 

Although we had an amazing support system and group of friends who also home educate, all of the studies, prep and application fall on your hands as a mom and teacher. 

What if I didn't teach them well? We haven't had a routine for years and now what if they stink at time managemt like me? What if I overprotected them and they feel uncomfortable with the things life throws at them? What if they took on my personality of being shy and a little introverted? Would they still make good friends? Will they like their teacher? What if someone's mean to them? 

And then I remember and am quickly comforted that Jesus is always with our precious children... And with us. That even when it's hard or uncomfortable, we are okay. And we can get through this. 

I'm nervous but excited for them. I'm nervous but excited for me.... somehow keeping up with the littlest. We're up for the challenge of this next chapter. Because really, it's already a part of our new normal.